I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
