By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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