1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
