He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
