I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
