i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
