you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
