Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
