my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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