just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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