nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
