did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What drink are we having for lunch?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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