I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
