My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
