this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
