These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
