Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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