My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
