I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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