i wish my penis had a tongue
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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