Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
