The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
