if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
