i would punch a child for taco bell
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
