my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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