He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
