hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
