I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
