margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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