he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
