I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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