a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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