holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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