There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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