i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
