dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
