i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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