I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
