is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
