I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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