So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
