WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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