did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
