So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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