you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pee on everything he values.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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