I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
