sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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