You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
