there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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