i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
