Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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