if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
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