I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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