What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
