My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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