dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
