I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
