Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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