So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
