I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
