I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
