You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
