just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
