I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
