I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
