Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
