You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
