Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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