When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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