will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
