hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
