yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
