I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think I sprained my soul last night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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