Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize