So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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