Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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